She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
The Olympian is in my bed
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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