Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
