Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
