he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
