I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Randomize
