why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
