i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
