Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize