I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize