none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
