Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
