Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
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