One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
