So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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