How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
