my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
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His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
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Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
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