I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
3 2 1 whiskey
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
