I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
