Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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