This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
