apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
