I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i think i have two assholes
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
