Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
