I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
this just has baby written all over it
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
