No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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