she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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