if i can run in heels then i can drive
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
