sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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