i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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