In the future we'll all be gay
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I party with great urgency now.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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