just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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