did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
