well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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