i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
