he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
