No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize