He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
