yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
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