seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
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