You just made me feel so damn special
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
sex in a hospital.. check
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
