my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
