i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho