You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
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Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
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Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.