Texts From Last Night

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  (410): View more from Maryland

  he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.

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  (410): he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE. http://tfl.nu/pbaf
  Replies (68) Good night (3038) Bad night (507)
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  (337): View more from Louisiana

  it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.

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  (337): it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots. http://tfl.nu/c5aw
  Replies (33) Good night (4906) Bad night (706)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.

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  (717): I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this. http://tfl.nu/8qff
  Replies (6) Good night (4957) Bad night (935)
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops

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  (757): He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops http://tfl.nu/nwlp
  Replies (28) Good night (6853) Bad night (1089)
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.

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  (405): he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love. http://tfl.nu/r7jm
  Replies (19) Good night (6020) Bad night (940)
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  (618): View more from Illinois

  When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.

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  (618): When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk. http://tfl.nu/ntsr
  Replies (9) Good night (3599) Bad night (1182)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.

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  (919): I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned. http://tfl.nu/aln7
  Replies (4) Good night (1867) Bad night (578)
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  (802): View more from Vermont

  I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.

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  (802): I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel. http://tfl.nu/xk67
  Replies (11) Good night (1952) Bad night (558)
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  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus

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  (774): I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus http://tfl.nu/kps3
  Replies (3) Good night (479) Bad night (755)
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  (434): View more from Virginia

  Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.

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  (434): Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority. http://tfl.nu/mqpz
  Replies (2) Good night (462) Bad night (348)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.

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  (+44): New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest. http://tfl.nu/rx56
  Replies (2) Good night (571) Bad night (207)
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  (831): View more from California

  Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.

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  (831): Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome. http://tfl.nu/od4k
  Replies (3) Good night (463) Bad night (234)
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  (415): View more from California

  My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.

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  (415): My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years. http://tfl.nu/u3yw
  Replies (3) Good night (693) Bad night (290)
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  (778): View more from British Columbia

  About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back

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  (778): About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back http://tfl.nu/4ess
  Replies (2) Good night (1331) Bad night (210)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language

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  (508): Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language http://tfl.nu/6y9g
  Replies (5) Good night (682) Bad night (286)

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