i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you