So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
