somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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