Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
she woke up with a sticky ear
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.