I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
