Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.