Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
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he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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