You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
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Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
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Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize