Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
