I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
