I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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