I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
All the doctor said was why
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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