you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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