No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
is it fun? or sober?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
