The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
