so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
All I want is dick and wine.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
