Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
