im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize