I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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