Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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