so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
