hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
