I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
