boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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