Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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