Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
