my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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