Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
We left an ass print on the piano.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
