He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
They took my balls.
So much rum. So many feels.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
