Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize
